Thursday, February 21, 2008

ZioCon™ announces release of "Global Chess 3000"

ZionCon™, creators of "Shock and Awe", "Gaza Blockade" and "Financial Collapse '08" are pleased to announce their latest game for the moneyed elite called "Global Chess 3000."

"Dick" Bush, CEO of ZioCon™, issued a press release lauding the new strategic game being played on GC 3000. Bush said that they were creating a "new reality" of the world, casting and shaping the globe to benefit the upper crust and as such, they deserved a game befitting their status.

The old chess pieces will be replaced by the following creations of the Masters of Disaster at ZioCon™, said their Executive VP in charge of development, Binyamin Olmert. Olmert said that focus groups rated these life-like pieces high, since they seem so realistic.

The Knight will be replaced by the "Mercenary." The Merc will be dressed in a Ninja like outfit, with a hood covering his face. He will be armed with fragmentation grenades and a assault rifle. He will serve at the Queen's discretion and his moves known only to the Queen and her inner circle. The "Merc" is authorized by his Queen to shoot to kill anyone the "Merc" deems an obstacle to the Queen's global conquest.

The Bishop will now be called the "Televangelist." This piece will be dressed in a custom made silk suit from Saville Row, wear a $736,000 dollar Frank Muller timepiece and have bullet proof hair. The beauty of the TE, said "Dick" is that he is so stealthy at getting pawns to believe bunk that their minds are easy for takeover and domination, which in turn leads to control of the Global game board.

The rook will now be called the "News Anchor." The News Anchor will not actually physically move around the board, but his mouth will flap incessantly, making the other pawns think they are actually hearing something worth listening to and at the same time, filling the pawn's mind with useless dreck, which gives the opponent an easy prey.

The pawns, said Binyamin, will stay true to their past and present places in history and remain pawns. He added that there are more than enough pieces available to become pawns and as in the past, are more than willing to die to help the King and Queen achieve their goals.

Binyamin added that ZioCon™ had toyed with the idea of changing the pawns name to "cannon fodder" or "suckers", but that making something so evident that obvious could impact profits, so it was decided to let the pawns stay.

ZioCon™ said they wanted to retain a bit of old world flavor in their new game, so they elected to keep the King and Queen pieces as originally designed.

The ZioCon™ spokesperson said that having a King and Queen rule over the Global Chess 3000 board was a reflection of actualities in the real world, with untold numbers of pawns literally fighting over scraps of bread, so long as their King and Queen could live in the lap of luxury.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Fair Use Notice

This web site may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance the understanding of humanity's problems and hopefully to help find solutions for those problems. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. A click on a hyperlink is a request for information. Consistent with this notice you are welcome to make 'fair use' of anything you find on this web site. However, if you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. You can read more about 'fair use' and US Copyright Law at the Legal Information Institute of Cornell Law School. This notice was modified from a similar notice at Information Clearing House.

Blog Archive