Friday, May 16, 2008

Proctologist shortage in DC as US delegation heads home from Israel

Washington, DC

Officials at the Walter Reed Hospital in D.C. are putting out a plea for help for practicing proctologist's to fly to D.C. ASAP to help with the overload in patients returning from the celebration of Israel affair held this past week.

"We're seeing returning U.S. Senators and Representatives coming back here with massive tearing in their rectum, due to their undying loyalty and sacrifice to Israel", said Dr. Ramit Hardstein, Chief Proctologist for Walter Reed. "When they said they loved Israel and would do anything for her, well, some of my brethren in Tel Aviv and West Jerusalem took that a little too literally."

"Certainly, some amount of damage was to be expected, as is the case anytime a U.S. official visits Israel, but the massive tears in their rectal walls is unheard of, even for these special friends of Israel", said Hardstein.

"Why didn't they take precautions?" lamented Harstein. "Upon arrival at Ben Gurion airport, each U.S. official was handed a Holocaust™ by DKNY gift bag, which contained a large tub of KY Jelly; a large box of tissues and a customized set of knee pads, for those prolonged sessions."

"All they had to do was to smear prodigious amounts of the KY Jelly on their rectal area, to help facilitate one-on-one action with their favorite Jewish idol. And now look, they got so excited that few used the KY Jelly, instead choosing to have a more "intimate" relation with their favorite Zionist."

"And that's not all", said Hardstein. "We're also putting out a plea for Oral Surgeons to come to our aid, as there seems to be more than a few that besides having rectal tears, also have jaw problems, due to their loving embraces of their Jewish friends."

"At least we won't have to worry about the president, GW Bush, returning with any rectal problems requiring some stitches, since GW got his "hard and fast" primer on Israel years ago, said Hardstein.

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