Saturday, September 27, 2008

Wanted: Top Dog Alpha Male to run our Wall Street Bank into the Ground

This old and established Wall Street financial firm is looking for a ballsy, take no prisoner's type to run our firm into the ground.

The ideal candidate will have the morals of a John Wayne Gacy and the conscience of Dick Cheney.

Our man--white, of course--will be well schooled in the "Enron" school of accounting. To help in this enterprise of keeping two sets of books, you will have access to a VERY generous off the books slush fund, which will be used to curry favor with certain DC politicians and to keep our MSM "news" anchors living in the lifestyle which we are paying for.

The "Vlad the Impaler" type that we choose to be our next CEO should also not be squeamish when it comes to looting the firm, since a lot of the assets stolen will belong to elderly stockholders and pension funds.

Our man should have excellent knowledge in "pumping and dumping" stock and a VERY extensive background in selling what we call toxic sludge, but what our "news" people call Mortgage Backed Securities or MBS.

You will be in charge packaging and selling this MBS slop like it was caviar around the world, to the tune of of over 300 BILLION dollars. And in turn, you will buy back other firms MBS in excess of 500 BILLION dollars.

You will use the company slush fund to feed disinformation to the press and DC, presenting MBS as great investments.

Once the company has acquired hundreds of billions of these worthless pieces of paper, you will then use that same slush fund to inform our media friends, ever so discreetly, that our firm is teetering on the brink of disaster, but not before placing hundreds of billions of short selling positions against our firm on various exchanges.

If you're the type that makes a clanging sound when you walk and have no ethics whatsoever, then you're the man we want.

Call our global executive officer Lou Cypher, at 1-800-666-1984 for an interview.

Wage and benefits package available for viewing to those who make it past our extensive screening process.

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