Following the IDF's peaceful incursion into Gaza , and reading the unprovoked and bitter comments about the world's "most moral" army, the Chief Rabbi of Israel, the most Holy "Bennie" Lipschtiz, issued his revised Ten Commandments.
"All the Chosen Ones know that they are blessed, especially the Rabbi's of Israel, who can get into an argument with G-d and the Rabbi will win. Since G-d has been losing arguments with the holiest of the holy, us Rabbis, it was time to update the Ten Commandments to reflect this change in spiritual leadership," said Rabbi Lipschitz.
Here are the Dear and Blessed Rabbi's New and Improved 10 Commandments:
ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.'.... except Israel and her you shall worship like it was a golden calf.
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image'... unless that image is made of gold.
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.'.. nor shall thy say anything negative about Israel.
FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.' ... unless Israel needs to invade a neighbor.
FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.' ... Your Father Judaism and your Mother, Israel.
SIX: 'You shall not murder.' ... Jews. Thou shalt murder Muslims and Christians, especially Palestinian children.
SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.' ... with another Jew. Only adultery committed with the GOY is permissible in G-d's eyes.
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'... from the Jews. Thou shalt plunder as much as one can carry away from the GOY, especially Americans.
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'.... if that neighbor is a Jew. It is mandated that thou shalt bear false witness against GOY.
TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's ass.... Unless that ass belongs to a hot-looking blonde shiksa, then thou shalt pound that stuff relentlessly.