Sunday, May 24, 2009

IRS Mulls New Guidelines for Taxing American's Sexual Activities

The IRS is looking at a "pole" tax

WASHINGTON (Rooters)--From legalizing marijuana and then taxing it, to increasing death certificate fees and charging gentlemen's club patrons an extra $5 at the door, cash-strapped U.S. states and cities are rooting around for revenue in some unconventional places.

Sin seems most ripe for the taxing in a list of proposed revenue moves compiled by the National Conference of State Legislatures last month.

A copy of a proposal to tax Americans on their sex life was leaked to this reporter from a highly placed White House source. From that document, here are some key taxes the feds are looking at:

Sample Questionnaire to be mailed to ALL US citizens regarding proposed activities to be Taxed


Sexual Activities Taxation List, AKA S.T.O.P.------ State Tax on P*ssy

Did you engage in any sexual activity--COITUS-- this past week?

If so, how many times did you get laid?

For the men--How many blow jobs--fellatio-- did you receive?

For the women--How many times did you receive cunnilingus?

Did you fantasize about sex at home or on the job?

NOTE: Jerking Off off is taxed at the same rate as getting laid, so include all masturbation in this category.

If so, how many times?

Did you have any dreams about sex? If so, how many times? Describe in detail these dreams so we may rank them according to their value and tax accordingly.

Did you read any "girlie" magazines this past week? Which ones and how many times?

Did you watch any porno movies this past week? Which ones?

The IRS takes seriously its job of fairly enforcing our nation's low tax rates on US citizens. Those who think otherwise and have thoughts that they might be getting boinked--metaphorically speaking--by the government will not be taxed for those seditious thoughts, but they will need to contact the nearest Department of Homeland Security office or the FBI for further details. And be sure to bring an overnight bag when you visit!


  1. hahahahha!

    They are probably driveling to something like this.

  2. Hey I really like your thoughts and writing that I have seen on other sites and would like to read more, but brother, spruce up your blog!

  3. Spankies should absolutely be tax-free!

    What about those cursed with premature ejaculation? Do they throw quarters in a jar?

  4. Hey... they are working on it.

    Did you know, true law here, that it is illegal to have more than two dildos in a home?

    And in Alabama it is illegal to howl at women within city limits?

    No joke. So why not? But heck, in Arkansas they legally label oral sex as sodomy, so they need to figure things out first.

    Hanover, that was verrrry funny LOL.

    And I suppose this means the Mormons and Muslims, sects permitting multiple wives will have their own tax category?

    What about adultery? Now that might make the coffers floweth over. Even bring monogamy back into popularity as a cost saving device.

    And NO SPECIAL exemptions for the upper level elite pervs who are into pedophilia and child slavery.

  5. Barney Frank(Freak) pays taxes based on average age of his date(whom he rapes eventually), younger the better = less tax!

  6. Condoms have been around for centuries to help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. A Condom is a piece of material that is most commonly put on a man’s penis or in a woman’s vagina to keep sperm from entering the vagina to help prevent pregnancy and diseases. Find out more about this topic on


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