Goon Squad

Where Brains are Tenderly Washed, Disinfected and Made Usable Again

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Interview with Secretary of State Clinton

"Madame Secretary, thank you for taking time out from your busy schedule for this interview. "

"Let's start with the situation in Iran. What kind of military commitment is President Obama willing to give Israel when they strike Iran?

"Arrf, arrff, arf, aRFFFF, ARFF, arf, bark, bark arrff"

"Interesting. Will the Pentagon send American troops into Iran to back up the Israeli bombing raids?

"ARFFF, ARFFFF, ARFFFFFFF, ARF, ARF, ARF... bark...bar..."

At this point in the interview, Secretary Clinton takes a break to use her hind leg to vigorously scratch some fleas behind her left ear.

"Madame Secretary, is the US willing to use nukes against Iran?

"ARF, ARF, ARF, ARFFFFFFFFFFF"

Another distraction. It seems that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Nuttyahoo has entered the room. Rice runs over to 'Bennie', obviously excited and they both start circling each other and smelling each others butts.

After a couple of minutes of this, Secretary Clinton returns.

"Madame Secretary, is it true that you are hoping to stay in office in the next administration?

"Arrrff, ARFFFF, arf, arf, arfffff........."

Secretary Clinton becomes extremely agitated and starts jumping up and down. She trots over to a mangy-looking, diseased dog that everyone in the neighborhood calls 'Abe.'

Clinton starts panting, then raises her tail and 'Abe' mounts her violently from behind. The ruckus they make with their yelping and barking is too much for this interviewer.

I conclude the interview to find a bucket of cold water.
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Retired from a Central Missouri Fire Department in 2004 after 20 years of service to the community.