Proctologist shortage in DC During AIPAC Convention

Washington, DC--Officials at the Walter Reed Hospital in D.C. are putting out a plea for practicing proctologist's to fly to D.C. ASAP to help with the overload in patients returning from the AIPAC celebration of Israel affair held this week.

"We're seeing U.S. Senators and Representatives coming here with massive tearing in their rectum, due to their undying loyalty and sacrifice to Israel", said Dr. Ramit Hardstein, Chief Proctologist for Walter Reed. "When they said they loved Israel and would do anything for her, well, some of my brethren in the 'LOBBY' took that a little too literally."

"Certainly, some amount of damage was to be expected, as is the case anytime a U.S. official gets a visit from an AIPAC official, but the massive tears in their rectal walls is unheard of, even for these special friends of Israel", said Hardstein.

"Why didn't they take precautions?" lamented Harstein. "Upon arrival at the AIPAC conference, each U.S. official was handed a Holocaust™ by DKNY gift bag, which contained a large tub of KY Jelly; a large box of tissues and a customized set of knee pads, for those prolonged sessions."

"All they had to do was to smear prodigious amounts of the KY Jelly on their rectal area, to help facilitate one-on-one action with their favorite Jewish idol. And now look, they got so excited that few used the KY Jelly, instead choosing to have a more "intimate" relation with their favorite Zionist."

"And that's not all", said Hardstein. "We're also putting out a plea for Oral Surgeons to come to our aid, as there seems to be more than a few that besides having rectal tears, also have jaw problems, due to their loving embraces of their Jewish friends."

"At least we won't have to worry about the president, Obama, returning with any rectal problems requiring some stitches, since he got his "hard and fast" primer on Israel years ago, said Hardstein

"More than 250 members of Congress have signed on to a declaration reaffirming their commitment to "the unbreakable bond that exists between [U.S.] and the State of Israel", in a letter to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton."

Only 250? AIPAC is losing its grip.