Saturday, May 29, 2010

"Mommy's an anti-Semite!"

Mommy made some of her good, double good chocolate chip cookies that she wanted to save and bring to grandma's house, but they just disappeared?

Mommy asked me if I knew what happened to those tasty cookies, but I said "I don't know."

Mommy asked, "Then why are cookie crumbs on your mouth and isn't that a half-eaten cookie you're holding?"

I told Mommy, "You're just another of those vile anti-Semites who accuse poor, innocent people like me of all sorts of things we never done."

Mommy looked surprise and asked me where I heard that nonsense. I told her at school, where some fat guy named 'Abe' gave a talk about the "Chosen People" of the world and how God loved them above all others, which meant they could say or do anything and no one, and I mean no one could say different. Abe also said that these people living in Israel were the kindest, gentlest, sweetest and most peaceful people in the whole world and were told by G-d that they should rule the planet.
"Besides, it was probably that sneaky kid next door who took those cookies, you should ask him. He's the one who does a lot of bad stuff around here that I get blamed for!"

I told Mommy I decided to become a "Chosen One," and she wasn't allowed to ask me questions about those cookies, because God had said I was above her.

Mommy asked me again, "Do you know what happened to those cookies?" and as I was swallowing the last one, I replies "No, and I refuse to answer any more questions from a loathsome anti-Semite like you!"

Mommy then picked me up, hugged me and said, "Son, I love you more than life itself, but I will NOT let one of my offspring turn into a thief and a liar, and to hell with Abe." Mommy then turned me over her knee and gave me a good spanking, which made me think twice about becoming a "Chosen One."

Mommy then asked me again about the cookies and I could see the love in her eyes and face, which made me cry and admit that I had taken and eaten all those cookies. Mommy gave me several hugs and some really nice kisses on my cheek and said "Thank you for admitting to what you had done. Son, no one and I mean no one likes someone who lies and steals, so get rid of those bad habits now!"

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