Toad Suck, Arkansas--Thousands of Americans have died, sickened by a massive outbreak of E. Coli, has the USDA, the FDA and the Department of Justice investigating what could be a terrorist incident.
Mr. I.M. Becile, of Pinebluff, Arkansas, told this reporter it almost killed him watching his wive of 40 years die a slow, agonizing death in her hospital bed.
"I don't understand how this came about. Maybe because we are avid fans of that truly patriotic American, Rush Limbaugh, who really cares about us 'little people' and listen religiously to every radio broadcast of Mr. Limbaugh's. When he told us that eating fresh human feces was a great way to boost your immune system, we both immediately went to the toilet, did our thing, then scooped out the tastiest looking turds and ate them. By the end of the day, I was feeling terribly sick and my wife was in such poor shape I called 9-11 for an ambulance. I survived, but my darling wife...."
"We even love Rush so much we paid for our "Official Dittoheads" certificates, framed them and hung them on our living room wall," said Mr. Johnson.
Similar versions of this same sad story have been told to this reporter in the states I traveled to investigating this outbreak.
Several news organizations have contacted or tried to contact Mr. Limbaugh for comment, but all inquiries were referred to his lawyer who stated that "Mr. Limbaugh is known for playing practical jokes and if some dumb GOYIM took this joke literally, that's their problem, not ours."
Reporting live from 'Shlomo's Kosher Certified Slaughterhouse,' this is 'Wolfie' Blitzoid for the CABAL News Network.
Macri's Place: Rush Limbaugh: The Greatest Idiot Ever!
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