White House--President Obama held a special news conference this afternoon to announce that the Pentagon's elite Special Forces team tasked with taking out the 'bad guys' had disposed Al-Qaeda's Number 1 threat to humanity earlier today.
"We got him, Sir," was the joyful message from Colonel Judas to President Obama speaking from Palestine from an undisclosed location.
According to this May 2, 2011 Washington Post article, Al-Qaeda is also known as the International Islamic Front for Jihad Against the Crusaders and the Jews.
"That this band of madmen would hide behind several fronts didn't deter our brave and patriotic Special Forces unit from 'smoking out' this Terror Master, hiding from the overdue punishemnt he knew was going to face, sooner or later," said the president.
"Our elite team tried to get this 'JC' character to surrender, but he started babbling about loving thy brother and feeding the hungry, which put our team on edge, because they knew for sure they were dealing with a mentally unbalanced killer. His fate was sealed when he reached for his weapon, a cross and that's when we lit him up like a Christmas Tree," said Colonel Judas.
President Obama was in an exuberant mood when speaking to the assembled press corp about this latest victory over those who want to kill us because they hate our freedoms and said that the Special Forces team would be honored in Rose Garden ceremony later this month.
"Let this be a lesson to those who wish to do us and our dear Jewish friends harm," said the president, "We will go to any lengths, and spend as much of our blood and wealth as is necessary to protect this beacon of freedom and liberty, the United States of America and those who have our back in this never-ending war against evil-doers, Israel."
At press time, complete details were somewhat sketchy, but a highly placed Pentagon source said the Special Forces team had tracked down the world's Most Wanted Terrorist in Palestine, hiding in a place the locals refereed to as "The Skull."
The same source said that in order to deny other terrorists using 'JC's' death and burial as some kind of rallying point, that 'JC' was nailed to a heavy piece of metal salvaged from WTC 1 and then dropped into the ocean, but would not disclose where or which ocean.
Around the country, when news of this most glorious victory came out, people were shouting "USA, USA, USA," and "We're #1" in cities across the land. Bartenders in New York, 'Ground Zero' for those dastardly attacks said they would probably set a new record for the amount of liquor sold to the people celebrating this victory.
His Excellency, Israeli Prime Minister Benny Netanyahu said that this news was good, very good for Israel and that Israel would always be there for their dear American friends.
Former President Bush was in a chipper mood when President Obama personally called Mr. Bush to inform him that the valiant efforts President Bush had initiated shortly after 9/11 had paid off and President Bush made some interesting comments about how proud he was to be an American and that our troops are to be commended for their tireless efforts in rooting out this evil.
Even the former Vice President, the most honorable Dick Cheney, was ecstatic about this wonderful news and even was gracious enough to give this reporter some of his valuable time for an interview.
Reporting from the White House, this is Wolfie Blitzoid for the Holocaust™ News Service and wishing 'Mazel Tov' to our dear American friends.