Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Be a Mass Murderer, Just Like Uncle Sam!

Pretend you're in a Colorado movie theater, armed to the hilt, ready to satisfy your crazed desires on innocent people. Come to think of it, that sounds like the corrupt, out-of-control US government.

Which would make our sadistic, murderous, blood-thirsty government the winner of the body count game!!!

Gameplay Overview

The gameplay is pretty simple. You are spawned near the left side of the theater while the theater goers are too absorbed in watching their shitty movie to notice the creepy fuck with a shotgun, two pistols, and an assault rifle ready to perform one objective: Kill them!

As you start shooting the targets, they will waddle with two frames of animation as fast they can for the theater exits on either side of the room, and if they make it to the doors they will disappear. The hit boxes are fucking tiny, so to maximize your kill count aim for the upper shoulders/head area. Sometimes, if you allowed faggots with guns to spawn, they will be in the aisles, shooting in straight lines with the same range as a guy with an inch long dick trying to nail you with his piss stream, but as long as you aren't in their path their bullets miss almost always and it's almost impossible to die in this game anyway.

You can scroll through your weapons with the wheel on your mouse, but they all have the same chances to kill the targets, and once you've gotten bored killing people you can leave by walking for the doors of the theater, and afterwards you get to see your kill count.

There are also a few cheats you can use to make the game more "fun". "mohamedscock" gives you a rocket launcher, which makes killing everyone retarded easy. "sandrabullock" gives you a glitchy-as-fuck automatic dildo launcher. "vtechrules" locks the doors so the audience can't escape. "tupaclives" is a godmode cheat, but since it's pretty much impossible to die in this game anyway its pretty damn useless.

That's it. You can always play again for a higher score, but otherwise the replay value is as shitty as James Holmes own high score. Using cheats or being more or less accurate can affect the story told by the newspaper, but this is only fun for around 2 minutes, about the same as the Dark Knight Rises.
One Question: Was the Sandy Hook patsy Lanza playing this game on his computer? Oh that's right, we'll never know that answer since someone destroyed his PC.

1 comment:

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