Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Name of Arrested Boston Bombing Suspect

Washington--FBI Director Mueller today held a press conference announcing that the FBI, along with the DHS, the ATF, the NSA, Northcom, the Joint Terrorism Task Force, the US Navy, Boston Police, Massachusetts State Police and the Massachusetts National Guard had finally tracked down and found the Boston 'Twin' Bombing suspect.

"I want to congratulate the 3,337 personnel assigned to this heinous case that were relentless in their pursuit of this suspect. He is Mohammed al Mose SSAD, a 27 yo American Muslim who also served in the US Army and saw combat during his two tours of duty in Iraq."

"From what we've gathered so far, al Mose SSAD came in contact with radical Islamic elements in Iraq, who proceeded to warp his mind and turn him against the greatest nation on Earth, the USA. We believe he was somehow programmed by the Islamic terrorists to turn against his country and planted as a sleeper agent, poised to strike when needed."

Mueller also said that al Mose SSAD had used gunpowder as the explosive and the FBI was tracking down which gun shop sold the powder.

"We need to safeguard our liberties by taking down these terrorist hot spots that sell gunpowder to anyone who walks in. There will be a slight infringement on some of our freedoms, but by doing so, we'll remain safe," said Mueller. He added "Every good Judeo-Christian should get behind this benefit to Americans."

At press time, California Senator Feinstein and New York Congressman Peter King were working together on a joint bill that would close loopholes in the 2nd Amendment in order for Americans to remain the freest people on Earth, and also the safest, said a Senate aide, who wished not to be named.

A White House aide stated that President Obama could not be reached for comment since the President was busy signing off on drone attack orders.
3 Signs You Might be a Terrorist


  1. Multiple photos from 4Chan

  2. Those two duds ni the 4Chan pics have the same type of shoes, military I'd guess. The same pants, same windbreakers, same backpacks and one has an earbud to listen in to Terror Central.

    We've been attacked by our government AGAIN.


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