Washington--In a move to cut costs at the Treasury Department, Yacob Lew, Treasury Department head, issued a press release stating that henceforth, Charmin will be the sole printer of U.S. currency.
Neal Wolin, Deputy Secretary said that Mr. Lew had more than cost-cutting in mind when he signed the order that will let Charmin print U.S. currency. "At the rate the Federal Reserve is issuing money, soon the Fed notes that Americans hold will become worthless. But now that Charmin will start printing the currency, Americans can start using the bills as toilet paper when they are no longer accepted at stores."
"Charmin is the leader in the field of backside waste removal, so it was a good fit to let them start printing the 'dual-purpose' bills."
Wolin added that this was not a reflection on government policy, just a smart move to save taxpayer's money.
Everything Is Rigged: The Biggest Price-Fixing Scandal EverAdding up the two gigantic numbers that those 'Too Big to JAIL' Wall Street banks have been fooling with in their latest cons amounts to 879 trillion, which is close to the next mind-fuck number, quadrillion, this number: 1,000,000,000,000,000, which is 10 to the 15th power.
You may have heard of the Libor scandal, in which at least three – and perhaps as many as 16 – of the name-brand too-big-to-fail banks have been manipulating global interest rates, in the process messing around with the prices of upward of $500 trillion (that's trillion, with a "t") worth of financial instruments. When that sprawling con burst into public view last year, it was easily the biggest financial scandal in history – MIT professor Andrew Lo even said it "dwarfs by orders of magnitude any financial scam in the history of markets."
That was bad enough, but now Libor may have a twin brother. Word has leaked out that the London-based firm ICAP, the world's largest broker of interest-rate swaps, is being investigated by American authorities for behavior that sounds eerily reminiscent of the Libor mess. Regulators are looking into whether or not a small group of brokers at ICAP may have worked with up to 15 of the world's largest banks to manipulate ISDAfix, a benchmark number used around the world to calculate the prices of interest-rate swaps.
Interest-rate swaps are a tool used by big cities, major corporations and sovereign governments to manage their debt, and the scale of their use is almost unimaginably massive. It's about a $379 trillion market, meaning that any manipulation would affect a pile of assets about 100 times the size of the United States federal budget.
I can't grasp the magnitude of the size of that number, but I can grasp that all those Wall Street banks that are making tons of money off fleecing people, are going to either crash the economy permanently or make the dollar bill worthless, either way, it's bad news.