1. I can shoot people and not worry about getting pros... uh.. prosiee..er...pro, oh hell, they won't toss me in jail. After all, who's going to arrest me!
2. I get a big, really big gun that I can carry any where I want to shoot people!
3. Wal Mart refused to hire me.
4. I get to work around other guys mostly, big, strong, well-muscled hunks who really, really like me when I get all sweaty working out!!
5. I can fuck with all those smart-ass punks from high school who went to college and got good jobs.
6. I get to pull over good looking babes, the ones who usually wouldn't give me the time of day, and explain to them how to avoid getting arrested!!!
7. I can make good cash money on the side by letting drug dealers know I can look the other way or I can come in shooting.
8. I'll never have to pay for sex or drugs again!
9. People will look at me with respect or I'll crack their god damn skulls!
10. Working as a security guard at my mommy's liquor store sucks.
H/T to to "Fairfax County Cop Watch" for inspiration!