Some of the Hasidics heading to "Survivor: Gaza Strip"
"Survivor: Gaza Strip"
CNN will take a popular format, "Survivor," and delightfully tune it a bit, guaranteeing laughs.
666 Orthodox Hasidic Jews will be kidnapped in the middle of the night from the West Bank city of Hebron and spirited away to destination only known to the producers of the show. They will be left to fend for themselves in a large, open-air concentration camp, surrounded by concertina wire and guard towers manned by Palestinians who been kicked off land that was in their family for centuries.
'Challenges' will be delivered on the tip of a 155 mm artillery round, lobbed nightly into the 'Tribe' Hasidic sleeping quarters. Unfortunately, the challenge will be blown to pieces, along with a handful of Hasidics!
But there's more! The Federal Reserve will loan the series several tons of gold bullion coins, which will be sitting right outside the fence. Hasidics who can escape the concentration camp will be allowed to carry off as much as they can hold in their shtreimel, if they can make it past the machine gun heavy guard towers.
To add to the fun, several times a week, the shows support personnel will grab a couple of Hasidics, wrap a suicide vest with an unbreakable lock around those 'Chosen' Jews, then set the timer, and turn them loose inside the "Survivor" compound.
Is the timer set to go off at 30 seconds or 3 minutes? Only we know, and we're not telling!
Howl with laughter as the Hasidics flee in terror when their 'dynamite' friends approach. Until you've seen a flock of Wyatt Earp hats scattering like a busted covey of quail, you haven't seen comedy!
When not livening things up with suicide vests, our people will sneak into the compound at night, and let fly a couple of industrial strength bottle rockets at the guard towers, maybe blast away with a 40 round mag AK47 burst at the guards, and then watch the fur fly as the Palestinians guards, who have a 'right to defend themselves,' do that by raking the compound with heavy machine gun fire.
Is that Hasidic dancing the 'Horah' or are those .50 caliber bullets hitting his torso making him look like a crazed, spastic rag doll?
Will any Hasidic Jews escape and grab the loot or will we need to grab some more 'volunteers' before Week Six?
'Never Again' miss this zaniness by tuning in on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights to find out!
"Leave it to Bin Laden"
Charlie Sheen--if he stays out of bars and rehab--will star as the CIA asset Tim Osman in this remake of one of Hollywood's funniest sitcoms.
Watch CIA and MOSSAD agents train 'Bin Laden' on the finer points of making videos, the proper way to hold an AK47 menacingly and how to die hair using henna!
Bin Laden's CIA and MOSSAD friends will engage in goofy neighborhood antics, like blowing up houses and turning cars into bombs driven into crowded markets, with a drugged out 'patsy' at the wheel, while their associates in the local paper always pin the blame on Muslim fanatics.
The first episode will have Bin Laden and some friends sneaking into a local strip bar, drinking booze, snorting some cocaine and raising all sorts of hell, until 'Mom' finds out and drags Bin Laden back home before Dad gets home from his job assembling torture devices at the Boeing plant.
Also starring Dick Cheney as his dad, Hillary Clinton as his Mom and Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard as his brother 'Wally.'
Plays every night except the Shabbat.