Sunday, September 20, 2015

"Are You a Judeophobe or a Garden Variety anti-Semitic?"

This is how satire is written. This is crafted so finely, at first, thought it was for real, until reading the whole diatribe. The part about trademarking holocaust and Judeophobe to make tons of money is really wicked.
Abe Foxman Of The ADL Announces New Term, Judeophobia, To Replace Anti-Semitism

By Ivan Fernando

At a press conference in New York City earlier today, Abe Foxman, head of the Anti-Defamation League, gave a speech announcing the development of a new term, “Judeophobia”, intended to replace “Anti-Semitism,” the term until recently employed to describe hatred of Jews.

As the conference began, Mr. Foxman noted “It is unacceptable to compare hatred of Jews with that of any other people. It is unacceptable to compare the persecution of Jews with that of any other people! No one has suffered as Jews have suffered! Yet, we still compare the suffering of Jews to non-Jews, when we use the term Anti-Semite to describe someone who, in reality, most likely hates Jews rather than Semites!”

In a speech that has divided Jews and progressives, Mr. Foxman went on to say that “The fact of the matter is, many people who hate Jews, are themselves Semites. Palestinian terrorists are Semitic Jew-haters. Do you realize that, in a broad definition, even Ethiopians can be considered Semites? Amharic is a Semitic language. Why do we call someone an Anti-Semite, when they really hate Jews? It is an unsatisfactory term. Additionally, the term trivializes Jewish suffering by possibly including non-Jews within its definition!

I have contacted the United States patent and trademark office, and I have applied for copyright ownership of the terms Judeophobia, Judeophobe and Judeophobic. The best part is, now when someone uses these terms on TV, in a film or a documentary, we can demand a fee! That is something we could never do before with the word “Anti-Semite!” I am projecting an annual revenue of tens of millions of dollars this year alone, if we implement this important and urgent change in our vocabularies.

I am also extremely proud to announce that through the efforts of the ADL, we have trademarked the term Holocaust with the US patent office, registering the state of Israel as the legal copyright holder. From now on, Israel will hold the legal copyright to the term Holocaust. No longer will anyone be able to degrade Jews or trivialize Jewish suffering by speaking of the ‘Armenian Holocaust’ or the ‘Abortion Holocaust’ or other such nonsense. How dare they compare the deaths of six million Jews with the fictional Armenian tragedy! No longer will anti-abortion extremists be permitted to compare the incalculable suffering of Jews with the termination of unborn fetuses. We hold the official copyright to the term Holocaust. The word belongs to us!” Foxman announced to thunderous applause and a standing ovation from the audience.

Some Jewish leaders object to the new term Judeophobia as a replacement for Anti-Semitism. Rabbi Marvin Schlessinger claims that “The problem with the term Judeophobe, for an Anti-Semite, is that the term implies a fear of Jews, or a phobia. This idea of fearing Jews, may imply that there is cause to fear Jews. In short, ‘phobe’, lets off Anti-Semites too easily. It lets them claim to fear us when they are acting upon us with their Anti-Semitism as aggressors. Get it straight, we are the victims. We live in fear of them!”

Saul Feinstein of the Simon Wiesenberg Centre, a global Jewish human rights organization founded by Holocaust survivor Eli Wiesenberg, noted that “We should be very reluctant to adopt a new term replacing Anti-Semitism. We should be very cautious. Remember, all it takes now to silence most critics of Jews or Israel is to accuse them of Anti-Semitism. How do we know that the word Judeophobia will have the same power? It’s simply too risky. We stand to lose too much after so many gains over the years.”

After Mr. Foxman’s speech, I spoke with Dr. Norman Frederickson of the Campaign for Equality, Justice and Peace, who was also in attendance. Dr. Frederickson observed that “While imperfect, the term Anti-Semite, for those who hate Jews, has been adequate in the past. Despite the broadness of the term, it is universally understood to pertain to Jews exclusively. Judeophobe is also a great term for those who hate Jews. I feel both terms are acceptable. We can employ diverse terms to describe those who hate all Jews.”

After speaking with Dr. Frederickson, I was able to sit down with Abe Foxman, who was extremely busy, for a discussion. I observed that historically, much Judeophobia derived from the erroneous notion that Jews somehow killed Jesus Christ or instigated his death. However, despite declining church attendance, Judeophobia continues to grow at alarming rates. Judeophobes continue to offer thoroughly irrational theories of their own to explain the phenomenon.

I expressed my concern to Mr. Foxman that in recent years, we have also witnessed the ugly rise of Jew-hatred among so-called liberals or progressives. These vile two-faced individuals often feign concern about alleged unjust or inequitable treatment of Palestinians by the State of Israel, as a means of expressing their very real hatred of Jews and latent white-supremacist attitudes! In reality, Israel has the most exemplary human rights record of any nation. In fact, Israeli leaders, and Jews in general, have been disproportionately represented among recipients of the Nobel Peace Prize!

After enjoying more than one glass of delicious Mogen David red wine together, I asked Abe Foxman why Judeophobia seems to be growing by leaps and bounds around the world today. He replied “Ivan, because you are a dear friend and supporter, I am going to be more candid than usual. I probably shouldn’t say this, but here it goes. Many people have wrestled with the question of the origin of Anti-Semitism, I mean Judeophobia. Personally, I believe its jealousy. Why? because Jews are morally superior to white people! Owing to our abilities, Jews make up half of all the billionaires in the US. As Vice-President Joe Biden recently pointed out, through media influence, Jews are at the forefront of efforts to promote the acceptance of gays and lesbians as well as gay marriage, feminism, and the Civil Rights Movement. Unfortunately, those who hate progress use this against us.

Naturally, racist white reactionaries resent Jewish leaders, and Jews in general for taking this leading role as the conscience of society and for their principled progressive stands. In short, Jews suffer because of their innate goodness. We suffer to ennoble society! Our primary mission at the ADL of course is, and must be to protect Jews everywhere, and without a doubt, protecting diversity is good for Jews! We don’t want another Hitler to come along! That’s why this work is so important. Because of our history, we have a duty and a responsibility to foster multi-culturalism and tolerance!

The safest kind of society for Jews is a divided, excuse me, a diverse one. A Hitler could never come to power in a state that is multi-racial, with no clear group as a majority. One that has a strong Civil-Rights movement, a progressive immigration policy, and a strong feminist and gay rights movement. One that educated the public about the negative role of whites through history, so that they don’t get out of hand. My goal is a world where it is safe to be a Jew. No one has been more persecuted or suffered more than Jews!

The simple fact is, when Jews are wealthy or successful, its owing to hard work, shrewdness and self-sacrifice. When whites in the US or Europe are successful, it is because they are exploiting the poor and the underclass. They are preying upon them and oppressing them. Why can’t people understand the difference? All too often successful whites are motivated by avarice and greed. By contrast Jews are primarily motivated by a desire to bring about a better and more equitable world, through Tikkun Olam.” Mr. Foxman observed.

I stood in awe, as I admired the wisdom of this great man. I note with great sadness that Abe Foxman will be retiring next year. I cannot think of another contemporary Jewish leader who has done more to advance Tikkun Olam (The Jewish concept of repairing the world) than he has. Mazel Tov, my friend, on your retirement! As I learned in a recent class on Kabbalah, and as I can personally attest, there is a spark of divinity in this man. Abe Foxman is part of God Himself, as the Zohar teaches, and that explains in part his great works and wisdom.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

The later... They don't frighten me... I only despise them,...

Genie said...

"As I learned in a recent class on Kabbalah, and as I can personally attest, there is a spark of divinity in this man."

Entire satire very well crafted!

Lee said...

The bigger the claim of persecution, the bigger the lie they are trying to hide.

No More Myths said...

The Bible begins, in the book of Genesis, with two different and contradictory creation myths which were derived from Babylonian myths which were derived from Sumerian myths. The biblical mythographers twisted the fables from other cultures for their own purposes—one world government and one world religion administered by themselves.

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