Saturday, November 19, 2016

Federal Reserve Issues Emergency Appeal for Supplies of Thin Air

New York--The Federal Reserve today held a press conference to issue an appeal for suppliers of thin air.

"We at the Fed are alarmed that we are running short on the very valuable commodity used to issue our notes, thin air," said Fed Chair Janet Yellen. She continued, "We first noticed that our supplies of thin air were running dangerously low prior to the General election, but chose to not bring up this emergency so as not to influence the voters, but we are now approaching emergency status, with our supplies of thin air getting precariously low to successfully operate."

"Without that precious commodity, the Fed might have to stop letting the US Treasury print up and distribute our debt-based currency, which would break so many banker's hearts, that I shudder at the pain, but we must do something to avoid another economic contraction, so we at the Fed have been in touch with the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and they have assured us they have an unlimited supply of thin air. Of course, the IMF would want to start issuing their unique currency, the SDR, which would replace the Fed note, while leaving the Fed in charge of the USA economy," said Yellen.

"The IMF has extended, what we feel, is a very generous offer, to replace our Fed notes and they would magnanimously exchange one SDR for each ten dollar bill. We at the Fed think Americans should be grateful the IMF is being so benevolent, since the new SDR's will preclude Americans taking a duffle bag filled with the old Fed notes to the store, just to buy a loaf of bread," said Yellen.

Reporting from New York, this is Seymour Butz for station AZHO.


  1. For awhile I did not understand how they can make something from nothing. Now I get it. Exchanging fake money for real money. Hopefully, and this is a real long shot, Trump may try and dismantle The Fed.

    I can dream, can't I?

  2. If the Fed keeps thinning the air they'll succeed in driving up the price of oxygen masks. Great satire.

  3. The Arabs have always called the USA a house built on sand.


Fair Use Notice

This web site may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance the understanding of humanity's problems and hopefully to help find solutions for those problems. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. A click on a hyperlink is a request for information. Consistent with this notice you are welcome to make 'fair use' of anything you find on this web site. However, if you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. You can read more about 'fair use' and US Copyright Law at the Legal Information Institute of Cornell Law School. This notice was modified from a similar notice at Information Clearing House.

Blog Archive