Saturday, November 19, 2016
Federal Reserve Issues Emergency Appeal for Supplies of Thin Air
New York--The Federal Reserve today held a press conference to issue an appeal for suppliers of thin air.
"We at the Fed are alarmed that we are running short on the very valuable commodity used to issue our notes, thin air," said Fed Chair Janet Yellen. She continued, "We first noticed that our supplies of thin air were running dangerously low prior to the General election, but chose to not bring up this emergency so as not to influence the voters, but we are now approaching emergency status, with our supplies of thin air getting precariously low to successfully operate."
"Without that precious commodity, the Fed might have to stop letting the US Treasury print up and distribute our debt-based currency, which would break so many banker's hearts, that I shudder at the pain, but we must do something to avoid another economic contraction, so we at the Fed have been in touch with the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and they have assured us they have an unlimited supply of thin air. Of course, the IMF would want to start issuing their unique currency, the SDR, which would replace the Fed note, while leaving the Fed in charge of the USA economy," said Yellen.
"The IMF has extended, what we feel, is a very generous offer, to replace our Fed notes and they would magnanimously exchange one SDR for each ten dollar bill. We at the Fed think Americans should be grateful the IMF is being so benevolent, since the new SDR's will preclude Americans taking a duffle bag filled with the old Fed notes to the store, just to buy a loaf of bread," said Yellen.
Reporting from New York, this is Seymour Butz for station AZHO.
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