Washington--Arizona Senator John McCain was rushed last night to George Washington University Hospital, in critical condition in what an aide said appeared to be an attack of 'bagelitis,' a condition brought on when the infected person comes into contact with a banker's nether regions with his lips. The ER physician also gave the Senator a shot of an anti-viral med, just in case Senator McCain got too excited during contact and let his tongue lick the banker's anus.
Dr. Shlomo, chief of staff at GWU said that they had managed to stabilize Senator McCain, but could not give a prognosis as to whether or not the Senator would recover, since McCain has had recurring bouts of bagelitis for decades, with each one getting worse.
Dr. Shlomo added, "Since the Senator is in the hospital, we're also going to try and remove his cranium from his rectum and hope it doesn't pop back in."
Reporting from DC, this is Seymour Butts for AZHO.
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