Monday, April 7, 2008

Bush says Iran responsible for Wall Street mess

Today, the White House issued a press release stating that Iranian agents were responsible for the Wall Street financial crisis and that serious steps were being taken to "clear up this issue" once and for all, said WH press secretary Moshe Greedberg.

Greedberg said that the White House had a list of some of the perpetrators that had insidiously inserted themselves into every level of the financial markets, especially in Wall Street's biggest banks.

"The President's Summit Halting Iran's Threat (S.H.I.T.) Task Force has undergone a long and thorough review of Wall Street, in a tireless effort to root out these people that hate our freedoms", noted Greedberg. "Today, the White House, in it's ongoing effort to make the workings of government transparent, will list some of these Imans of Finance to show the world that this time, we have irrefutable evidence of Iran's shady dealings."

Greedberg provided the names and places of work and they are as follows:

Alan Schwartz of Bear Stearns

Ben Bernanke of the Federal Reserve

Jamie Dimon of JP Morgan

Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs

Richard Fuld of Lehmann Brothers

Timothy Geithner of the New York Federal Reserve

Greedberg added that the president was meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff to address this issue about Iran's interference in a most stern manner.

In other White House news, the press secretary said that the WH was shuttering the famed sandbox that President Bush loved to play in, since when he was playing in the sandbox, cats kept trying to cover the president up.

There was no word as to whether or not the cats were Persian.

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