Saturday, October 30, 2010

FOX News to Release Tuesday's Elections Results on Monday Evening

"Monopolies are dreadful things until you own one."

Rupert Murdoch

New York--FOX News, the home of 'fair and balanced' reporting announced today that they would be the first to release the upcoming USA mid-term election results one day ahead of when the voters actually cast their ballots.

Yes, the multi-media mogul that helped bring you the results of the 2000 presidential election the night before; threatened to sue the makers of the animated cartoon, "The Simpsons" for getting too close to the truth, and who tells Americans when to think; how to think and what to think will now broadcast Tuesday's election results the day before.

"Heck, it's not like we haven't done this before," said FOX News Chairman Roger Ailes. Mr. Ailes was hired by Sir Rupert partially based on the brilliance of the Willie Horton 1988 campaign ad, which essentially helped throw the presidency to a close friend of Murdoch's, George H. W. Bush over Massachusetts Governor Michael Dukakis.

In 2000, we said that 'Junior,' uh, I mean G.W. Bush had won the presidential race the night before. Once we got past that hurdle, without any major questions or challenges, we knew the next step was telling our couch-bound customers how they had voted even before they went to the polls to cast their ballot."

The Typical American Voter, Being Educated by FOX


Media insiders like William Krystol and Glenn Beck heaped on praise, with FOX News regular Krystol saying, "Where would the world be, if not for Sir Rupert? Saddam would still be in power, which would annoy Israel."
"The Mid East would not be a powder keg, which works to Israel's advantage and all those scary videos portraying Muslim 'boogiemen' that we broadcast all the time, which are filmed in Herzliya, Israel, wouldn't be televised, which would drive down our ratings and seriously impact my pay," added Mr. Kristol, cofounder of the
"Project for the New American Century."

In 2010 Kristol also help found the "Emergency Committee for Israel," which attacks U.S. politicians who dare criticize Israel or who get 'uppity' and try to put American interests first.

When asked about any predictions for the 2010 POTUS race, Sir Rupert smiled coyly and said "I truly believe the USA will have its first woman president, one who's already withstood the rigors of an Alaskan Winter."

"Every election is a sort of advance auction of stolen goods." American author H.L. Mencken

Rupert Murdoch: "The current days of the internet will soon be over"

Rupert Murdoch openly supports neo-con bullshit, and his logical fallacy ridden network Fox is in large part responsible for the prevalence of childish credulity and war mongering among "conservative Americans". You know the "real Americas", the nationalistic Caucasian simpletons who drink shitty beer, hate people over the color of their skin, and get life advice [from] religious figures that are often engaged in child molestation or hypocritical homosexual activity.

No one but the Devil knows every name on Rupert Murdoch's enemies list, and that's only because Satan takes dictation from Murdoch


  1. Murdoch ruined certain UK newspapers.

    - Aangirfan

  2. Not completely, caged parrakeets like to use them.

  3. Terror plot foiled, crazy Yemeni muuzzies are sending package bombs to the idf hangout places in chicago - oh! ..oppsie, my bad "jewish places of worship in Chicago".

    Suddenly, obomba's penis is getting as bigger as the chimp he replaced. Must be an election time miracle, gift from g_d. ;)

  4. Plus, there wer no CCTV to take pics and if there were, the CCTV's were 'out of service' for that moment.

    Can risk getting a picture of some Kippah wearing Sayanim.


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