Washington DC--Today, former Republican presidential candidate and current Arizona senator, John McCain, was committed to the Potomac Institute for the Clinically Insane for his violent outbursts on the street of our nation's capitol.
McCain's violent outburst landed at least two people in a local hospital, like James Marshall, visiting from Seattle. "My wife and I were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue, taking in the sights, when I saw Senator McCain walking towards us. I said "Hi" to him and he stopped, looked at me with vacant eyes, then started punching me, all the while shouting that I was some kind of Commie Russian bastard, and a Putin lover. The crazy fool knocked me down and kept punching, all the while literally screaming that I was some kind of Commie Russian bastard. Lucky for me, two good Samaritans stopped and pulled the berserk McCain off me. He started calling them Putin's bitches and worse, then broke away and started attacking another tourist who was taking pictures, all the while calling that poor soul a Commie Russian bastard, a Putin lover. A DC police car stopped and pulled McCain off that victim, and then he started calling them F****** Commie Russian bastards, KGB assholes and worse. The DC police stuck him in the car and I was taken to the hospital for treatment," concluded Mr. Marshall.
We contacted the Potomac Institute for the Clinically Insane to check on Mr. McCain's condition, but their spokesperson said he couldn't comment on any recent committals. We contacted his DC office and they issued a statement saying "Senator McCain will take a much deserved break from his strenuous Senate activities and hopes to be back soon."
We also contacted his former VP running mate, Sarah Palin in Alaska for a comment, but her daughter, Bristol, said her Mom couldn't come to the phone, since she was on a nearby hillside, keeping an eye on Russia.
Reporting for ASHO, this is Jacob Crapper.
Why the hands in the images photoshop-ed?
ReplyDeleteAPRIL FOOL! TOO good a headline to believe. I found a cartoonist, did an excellent blurb on how the EU stars were being changed to black from yellow due to Brexit. He got me, I found his "April Fool" after spending 15 minutes or so looking for the story!
ReplyDeleteMcCain was a "special prisoner" of the North Vietnamese. He had a Viet nurse, special accommodations and diet, and reportedly had a kid by this nurse. The Viets recorded this all on 8mm film, of course, because his daddy was commander of the Pacific Fleet.
ReplyDeleteApparently the Israelis have copies of the filmed versions of McCain's antics, and this has made him their stooge for the last two decades.
Not funny, Greg. Not to me. I read it on April 2 and didn't realize just from the title that it was an April Fools Day satire. The title uplifted me. I believed it for some extremely happy few seconds. Now I am dejected
ReplyDelete