Monday, May 22, 2017

You'll Have So Much FUN in Saudi Arabia, You Might Lose Your Head!

Welcome to Saudi Arabia, the world's most repressive regime that rich fucks--like Trump--just love to suck up to.
Saudi Arabia Fun Fact! Did you know that Saudi Arabia leads the world in beheadings, much more than the terrorists they fund, like ISIS/DAESH or al Sham!

What is Prohibited in Saudi Arabia

Public theatres are prohibited; Cinemas are prohibited; Female athletes are prohibited; Drugs are prohibited; Romance is prohibited; Not praying to Allah is prohibited; Pork is prohibited; Crossdressing is prohibited; Porn is prohibited; Filipinos are prohibited unless they are your servants; Homosexuality is (officially) prohibited; Jews are prohibited; Shiite Muslims are prohibited; Atheists are prohibited; Hookers are prohibited; Abortion is prohibited; Non-Arabic languages are prohibited; Gambling is prohibited; Science is prohibited; Shaving is prohibited; Bibles are prohibited; The Internet is prohibited;
Pokémon are prohibited; Adultery is prohibited; Non-marital sex or anal sex of any kind is prohibited; Alcohol is allowed!! (kidding, prohibited); Defaming (or even drawing) Muhammad is prohibited; Letting a woman out of the kitchen without a male relative accompanying her is prohibited; Being a woman is a sin and the sentence is stoning; Sorcery is prohibited; Being gay is prohibited; Women drivers are prohibited (although they are allowed to fly planes if they are driven to the airport); Dirty text messages are prohibited; Marrying out of love is prohibited; Red roses are prohibited; Smoking is prohibited; Gangbangs are prohibited - but it's her fault!; Oral Communication is prohibited; Education is useless, hence prohibited; Logic is illogical, because logic doesn't make sense, hence prohibited; Being beheaded or lashed is roundly encouraged!

Friendly religious police from the Ministry of Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice will be glad to assist you in meeting Allah personally, should you violate any of Shari'a law's reasonable proscriptions. If they don't shoot you there and then, they will be happy to take you to a Shari'a court, where you will get a fair trial and be found guilty. One of the following things will happen to you:

You could be shot privately; You could be beheaded publicly in a place called "chop-chop square" with thousands of people watching for the lulz, since it's the only fun you can get in Saudi Arabia; You could be tied to a pole and have a stripper fall on your face. The stripper is Rosie O'Donnell, or at least smells like her; Your hands or feet or both might be chopped off and confiscated. But glued back on, once you say "I'm sorry"; If you are lucky, you'll just get whipped until you are unable to sit down and not an inch of skin is left on your back; If your are very lucky, you will get to listen to Sarah Palin or some crazy old man in a bedsheet talk about freedom and war on terror until you beg for mercy or your ears bleed

The right to die

A bit like the Dignitas An Hero service, it is very easy to end one's life in Saudi Arabia. Christians are beheaded, Jews are beheaded, princesses are beheaded, people who drink alcohol are beheaded, fornicators are beheaded, adulterers are stoned to death, thieves are beheaded and homosexuals are beheaded, so a three-way drunken orgy with a member of minor royalty and a married rabbi in a stolen bed should do the trick.

Saudis put their women on a pedestal, then stone her to death!
Source

Be sure to include Saudi Arabia in your vacation plans, for the trip of a lifetime, or life, if you violate one of their millions of stupid-ass rules, it will be "Off with Your Head, Infidel!"

6 comments:

  1. I can't figure out why there was no blood gushing in the beheading video.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The video looks fake too, now that you mention it.

      Delete
  2. When it comes to capital punishment, I much prefer beheadings to the western way of execution. I always wonder, who thinks up these sadistic devices of execution like electrocutions and the way they do it. Who invents these things? Gas chamber, lethal injection. The way the prisoners are processed beforehand. It's sick, if you ask me. I much prefer the clean and fast beheading! That said, what these people are beheaded for is another matter. I sure wouldn't trust Saudis for their justice system! And btw, that stoning picture looks fake. I think I saw it being used for Iran propaganda also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no love for the House of Saud and wish them a plague on their house.

      Delete
  3. It is Mexico, not Saudi Arabia, that leads the world in beheadings. At least 90% of the worlds beheadings occur in Mexico.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am a Saudi, half of what you listed are too much and not correct.

    ReplyDelete

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