Holocaust™ News Service Washington DC
Senator Barak Obama (D-Il), faced with ever sharper questions about his lack of true allegiance and support for Jews, today announced that he would undergo a circumcision live on TV, to show the Jewish voters in America his undying and rock solid support for any and all things Jewish.
"I have heard the questions about my lack of absolute support for anything and everything the Jews want and I feel that in order to win over, once and for all, the Jewish voters in this country, that the best way to prove that I am True Jew, through and through, is to get a circumcision done on TV, thereby proving without a doubt, that I am willing to do anything to placate and satisfy the Jewish vote in America", said the senator today during an interview with Norman Podhoretz and Alan Dershowitz.
There have been some questions raised about the Rabbi chosen for the procedure, Rabbi Moshe Kochberg, since he is under indictment for mail fraud, theft and child abuse, but Rabbi Kochberg deftly brushed away those who would seek to cause him harm by labeling all of his critics "Anti-Semitic", thereby effectively shutting down any questions about the good Rabbi's moral authority.
Senator Obama said that to show how much he loved Jews, the circumcision would be performed without the aid of painkillers, so the Jews could see that Obama feels their pain, the pain that they suffer anytime someone questions the Holocaust™ or worse, there is talk about ceasing Holocaust™ reparation payments to Israel.
Asked for comment, Abe Fuchman of the Jewish ADL (Another Damn Lie) said he still had questions about Obama's Jewish devotion, since he had not pledged to either incinerate or obliterate Iran.
"Until Obama pledges this on TV numerous times and attends the next AIPAC conference, gets down on his knees and swears an oath on the holy and venerated, our beloved Talmud, I won't trust that Muslim lover, no matter how many body parts he gets cut off", stated Fuchman.
Bennie Netanyahoo, Israeli PM, said Obama needed to do more than just have a simple circumcision done to show his love, devotion and blind allegiance to all things Jewish, especially Israel.
"If Obama wants to show Israeli's and Jewish Americans the true measure of his devotion, the Senator needs to come to Jerusalem and visit the Wailing Wall, wearing a yarmulke."
"He'll need to recite some Kabbalah verses, be visibly upset and cry when he touches the wall", said the PM.
"And, he needs to reassure us that Israel, in an Obama administration, would still be the #1 recipient of US tax dollars and the #1 recipient of US military aid and that Obama would back any actions Israel would take, against any country, group or individual we would deem an obstacle to our plans for an Eretz Israel. Oh, and he needs to have a war plan for decimating Iran to show the Israeli Knesset."
Asked to comment about Senator Obama's statement, U.S. Senator Joe LIEberman (D-Israel) said that if Obama did have the circumcision performed, then he, Senator LIEberman, would be more than happy to accept the number two spot on an Obama-LIEberman ticket.
Senator Obama was even willing to convert to Judaism, but several leading rabbi's in New York nixed that idea, saying they didn't want any "schwarztes" polluting their flock.
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