BALTIMORE -- A team of doctors and cognitive researchers issued a joint statement Thursday detailing “pressing concerns” regarding recently retired Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s health, claiming the Republican starlet “may be too stupid to live much longer.”
At a press conference in johns Hopkins Medical Center, neurologist Rajib L. Shaktakarian spoke for the group as he listed off a number of observed symptoms, including aphasia, memory loss, delusions, and “general idiocy,” which “seem to be worsening by the day,” judging by recent public statements.
“Normally,” said Dr. Shaktakarian, “these symptoms might indicate a stroke or series of strokes, but judging by her apparent bodily health, and the lack of facial drooping or motor-neuron impairment, we have concluded that Palin is suffering from a severe case of clinical stupidity, which we fear may be terminal.”
Shannon Barkley, a professor of Cognitive Neuropsychology at Johns Hopkins, warned Palin’s condition could become dire in the very near future. “Given the nearly random, disjointed nature of her speech patterns, and her astounding misunderstandings of the basic facts of life and reality, it’s really only a matter of time before she forgets how to breathe or pump blood to her vital organs,” said Barkley. “Frankly, I’m amazed she’s still alive today.”
“I mean, some blogger in Alaska says something mean about her kid, and she derives this insane idea that it’s a media conspiracy. It’s just another indicator that Palin’s brain is being severely damaged by some unknown condition.”
“The level of cognitive dissonance in her mind is reaching potentially fatal levels,” Shaktakarian said in agreement. “Did you hear her say that not quitting was what quitters do? You know, if she didn’t quit, that would make her a quitter? I mean, seriously, no mentally healthy person could say that. It just makes no sense at all.”
Yet, despite these obvious symptoms of terminal stupidity, Palin remains quite popular with conservatives. This leads the researchers to conclude that Palin’s condition may be contagious.
“Here she is, in obvious neurological distress, speaking incoherently, and yet her audiences cheer wildly and rush to agree with her clearly illogical statements. Somehow, her stupidity is being transferred to them.”
“When William Shatner is making fun of the way you talk, you’ve really got a problem.”
Asked whether they had contacted Palin regarding their concerns, Barkley indicated they had, but that Palin’s condition made it difficult to communicate effectively. “She accused us of being an ‘Obama death panel’, whatever that is. I tried to convince her we were not going to kill her, but she just kept repeating the phrase ‘death panel’ and telling me that her baby had a right to live, which, you know, of course it does. The whole thing is quite tragic, really.”
Palin could not be reached for comment, as she was “hiding under some chairs in the basement,” according to a spokesperson.
Source: The Beast
Is this satire?
All kidding aside, here's to hoping the next US president recovers from her 'terminal' affliction.
Fair Use Notice
This web site may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance the understanding of humanity's problems and hopefully to help find solutions for those problems. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. A click on a hyperlink is a request for information. Consistent with this notice you are welcome to make 'fair use' of anything you find on this web site. However, if you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. You can read more about 'fair use' and US Copyright Law at the Legal Information Institute of Cornell Law School. This notice was modified from a similar notice at Information Clearing House.
- ► 2017 (262)
- ► 2016 (214)
- ► 2015 (218)
- ► 2014 (207)
- ► 2013 (323)
- ► 2012 (187)
- ► 2011 (277)
- ► 2010 (375)
- Cindy Sheehan: America needs to wake up
- Apocalyptic Pastor Claims to be Protecting ex-Musl...
- USAG Holder: The man who covered up Waco will now ...
- "Are you a REAL American?"
- AIPAC to go on mourning for Ted Kennedy
- More Glorious News from the Iraqi Front, Comrade!
- "If a Jew needs a liver, can you take the liver of...
- The Holocaust™/anti-Semite card©. Don't leave hom...
- Billionaires for Wealthcare
- More proof of Israeli War Crimes
- Hasidic Mobsters running amuck in New York state
- And now, for something completely different!
- GOLDFELLAS (Goodfellas spoof of Goldman Sachs)
- FEMA Mass Evacuation Bus: The Government's Secret ...
- U.S. woman in IDF shirt yells 'Heil Hitler' at Isr...
- Watch Israeli agent Orly Taitz in action
- MOSSAD plans to detonate a nuke in the USA
- Wiping out America's Debt
- Medical Experts: Palin “Too stupid to live”
- Jewish Mom Realizes Zionist Upbringing Was Based O...
- Meet the 3 Million dollar Man who gets to decide i...
- Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock
- Exclusive pics of the interior of doomed WTC Fligh...
- How to get fired from your job as editorial cartoo...
- It's Friday, so that means it's Bank Failure Time
- What would a world without Israel look like?
- Using the 'Boob Tube' to Teach Hate to Americans
- 60 Years of Zionist Lies and Treachery
- Sex Slavery in Israel
- Her Royal Majesty Hillary Clinton Admonishes Subje...
- Using Sodomy to Protect our Freedoms
- Get ready for the 'Mother of all Bubbles,' the Bai...
- The Century of the Self
- Lord of the LIES 'Mikey' Savage: Muslim Hater Extr...
- Glenn Beck's Kenyan Birth Certificate
- IDF Officer Promotional Exam
- Jewish Land Thieves Teach Their Kids to be Violent...
- Cash for Clunkers
- "Israeli's, it is always the Israeli's"
- 60 Members of Congress Making 'Aliyah' to Israel
- The Federal Reserve and Hyperinflation
- Israeli GESTAPO agents to pre-approve Zionist judg...
- Health Insurance Industry's Plan Catching Hell
- Who's kicking down your door? The ADL Police
- So Israel, when's the next 9/11 attack planned?
- The Jewish Murder Machine - No Camps, No Gas, Just...
- Israel's richest woman says she receives clairvoya...
- Israeli Gun Boat STORM TROOPERS Commit Piracy
- What Happened to 'Kenny's Sideshow?'
- ▼ August (49)
- ► 2008 (244)