Ahhh, there she is!!! My morning fix that substitutes for sex in my joyless marriage, the FOX News channel babe. You know the one !
She always sits front and center, in a skirt some might say is too short, but not to me and my drooling brethren.
Look, she's wiggling her hips so seductively. Man, she's got legs clean up to her... From the depths of my mind, I hear a screeching of sorts, intruding in on my morning brain sex orgy. "Honey, can you help me get dressed?"
Damn, it's the old battle axe, again rousing me from me dreams of exotic, mind numbing sex with one of the numerous FOX News sex surrogates.
Ignoring the background noise from what's her name, my eyes again turn to the blonde goddess on FOX. Good grief!! She's tossing her hair back in that certain way all guys know means there's steamy SEX ahead. She's moving her hips, like she's getting ready to uncross her legs!!! Damn, maybe we're going to have a Sharon Stone moment here.
I know she's saying something about some financial crisis or some bombs or something being dropped somewhere, but who cares about that shit when you've got a live sex feed, courtesy of the world's #1 pimp, R. Murdoch.
Look, look, her skirt just slid up her gorgeous thighs another inch!!!! I must have died and went to heaven!!!! What the hell? Oh, it's that screeching noise again... Doesn't she realize that the FOX News babe is there for me and ME alone... Well, and around six or seven million other guys like me, but who's counting.
The FOX News babe doesn't care that I'm fat, balding and my beer gut is the size of a Buick. Noooo. She wants me as I is, in all my splendor or at least that's what my slightly warped mind is saying.
And did i mention her blouse that always seems to reveal a healthy chunk of her cleavage?? Damn. It doesn't get any better than this!!!
There's that screeching noise again. Dammit, doesn't my wife realize I'm in the throes of sexual bliss with my FOX News babe? What the hell does she want, to make love or some damned thing?
Who cares if my eyes are glazed over or if my neural synapses are getting clogged up?
And that's the way it is for millions of deprived if not depraved, American males each day. A trip to La-La land called FOX News that is actually a live TV feed sex show.
While the drooling millions wait for that "Sharon Stone" moment, FOX is able to subliminally slip into their brains propaganda about the 'Wars for Wall Street and Israel.' That billionaires are really, really good people who pay too much taxes. About why the U.S. just has to wage war against Iran, for our Israeli "friends." About how Israel is a "peace" loving nation and Muslims are dirty, throat throat-slitters.
About how more tax cuts for the rich and the Fortune 500 will actually benefit working class schmoes like me and my drooling at the mouth comrades who look forward each day to engaging the televised antics of FOX News Sex Adjuncts.
We're the Zombiefied, sexually stilted viewers of FOX News and we'll gladly repeat any lies or nonsense told us by the blonde bimbos sex surrogates posing as news anchors on FOX.
Just keep the live sex TV shows courtesy of FOX coming our way and we'll be putty in your hands, R.M.
Fox News Viewers Have Average IQ of 80
Fox News Viewers are the Most Misinformed
Fox News Makes People Stupid