You might know me from various pieces of literature or from the mostly Hollywood media, which seems to have an obsession with me and my delightfully wicked ways.
You might know me from dealing with the various US and Israel leaders, all of whom are safely in my back pocket, like that homicidal maniac Netenyahu! I just lo..uh, like prime ministers and presidents who always profess to be for peace, and go around butchering Muslims and Christians in Palestine, Iraq, Syria, Libya, and so on. Don't know what it is about those Israeli leaders, but they do a helluva job working me.
Most likely you know of me thru your religion of Chris...ugh, can't say that damned word. That asshat has caused me no end of trouble for the last 2,000 years, but I'm still here!
But back to the letter's intention, which is to personally say 'Thank You' for all the recent inductees into my little club for growth, down under. WAY down under.
I'm talking about all those dumb-asses fighting against the legitimate Syrian government that your rather lethal Air Force has been dispatching to my domain by the hundreds daily.
As the Brits say, "Good Show, Old Boy!" (No Winston, I didn't call on you, back to work.)
Although there might be a shortage of jobs topside, there's none of that in my fiefdom, as we have endless openings in the jobs of shoveling coal to the fires and tossing souls back into the Hell fire. Of course, the jobs don't pay, but not many complain, as they realize I could make it worse, much worse.
Guess I should be also be thanking Obama for supporting, supplying and funding al Nusra, DAESH, and other phony factions that you are dispatching to their eternal reward, but he is such a thick-headed dimwit I don't care to deal with personally with that fool, I usually send one of my minions to coach Obama as to his next move.
Obama, like that dunderhead Bush before him, thinks he's getting a nice suite of rooms here in Hotel Hell, like all leaders who think they don't emit stink, but that's just part of my cachet to attract soulless murders like US presidents, who always seem to gravitate towards wealth and power obtained at any price. Boy, how they make my job so much easier!
But the real prize would be someone of your stature, but we've talked this over several times and you seem rather resistant to my alluring pleas, so for now, we'll put that on hold. Besides, wouldn't want to interrupt those endless numbers of 'recruits' you are sending to me!
Again, 'Thanks' for your assistance and be assured, we'll talk again...soon.
The Satanic Majesty, Lucifer